Word of the Day

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Tell Me A Joke- Part 2

Everybody can play because the joke doesn't have to be original (but you get extra points if it is.)
Which means of course, that you don't even have to be creative, which of course is NOT the point of the whole blog, BUT....... its my game, Mine, MINE (insert evil laugh here- really- insert it now because I have no idea how to type an evil laugh.)
OK so here are the rules. The same one for determining if I forward a joke at work, i.e. I laugh out loud.
In the case of multiple outbursts, the winner will be determined by the joke that makes me laugh so hard my wife will ask, "what's so funny." Pathetic laughs count, but not much. Politics is OK but probably far too easy
Extra points for jokes I haven't heard.
Extra points for originality. (you're on your honor for this one)

41 comments:

  1. Mine will definitely have to be original, because as my family can tell you, I can never remember jokes and tell them badly. lol

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  2. Eutychus, I spell an evil laugh like this:

    BWAHAHA! :0) You could make it a really long evil laugh like this: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! If you could change the font on these comments then it would look more evil. ;0>

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  3. BWAHAHAHAHHAHA! Nene takes the lead with this helpful post. :-)Thanks!

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  4. My life is a joke, so I will tell you some things that really happened. Once I went to my husband's work party where they served dinner. There was a table for food with decorations and candles. As I was filling my plate, I looked down to see the napkin that I was holding under the plate was on fire! Flames were shooting up fairly high. I got it put out and told the group, "Okay, that is your entertainment for the evening, but no encores, okay?" As I turned I tripped over a raised brick place where they had a wood stove and lost my balance, almost fell. I said, "Okay, okay, you talked me into an encore, but just one."

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  5. I wasn't sure what the word limit was, so I am posting each one separately.
    The next one happened at church. There was a lady with a black and white dress that had large polka dots on it. She was quite overweight. My teenager said, "She should not wear that dress! Someone is going to tuck a pink glove in that pocket and she will look just like a cow in it!" I said,"Be nice! I'm wearing an elephant colored coat, but I'd hate it if someone came along and hung tusks on me!" Just then we both looked down at my coat. We realized the buttons on it were little tusks with loops on the other side to go around them.

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  6. One of my teen daughters had 3 boys coming to see her all of the time trying to date her. As the months went on, she discovered that all 3 boys had an ex-girlfriend who was pregnant with their baby. One day she was cleaning the bathroom and came out with the spray cleaner in her hand. Across the front it said, "Removes Scum!" I pointed to it and said, "Be careful with that. One slip of the finger and those 3 boys who keep coming around could disappear off the face of the earth!"

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  7. Last but not least: (Don't you wish you'd made a limit???) When I was about 16 my parents left for a few hours and left me in charge of my younger brothers and sisters. The phone rang and my sister said it was for me, and it was "A Boy!" He began to talk, but my brothers and sisters were all running around chasing each other and screaming, so I couldn't hear a word he said. I asked, "Could you please repeat that?" The kids were still screaming and being so loud that I STILL could not hear what he said, so I said, "Will you tell me that again?" So embarrassing - due to all the noise in the house, I still couldn't hear what this guy said, so one more time I asked, "Please repeat that, okay?"
    It was an obscene phone call! :0s

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  8. I'm going to be a copy cat and follow Inkling's lead. Either I'm not very funny, or I'm not very creative because all of my attempts to write my own joke so far have crashed and burned. lol So I will tell you a true experience, and then I'll keep working on an original joke.

    When we lived in China, my daughter had to take a test in order to be accepted in to the International school. One of the things they asked her to do was to draw a picture of a person. I wasn't allowed to observe the test. After she was done, I asked her about her drawing. She told me that she drew eyes and a nose, and a mouth. She said that she drew hair on the head. Then she said, "I drew hair another place too." I suddenly began to feel very alarmed. I calmly asked, "Um, where did you draw the other hair?" She said, "On her chest!" :D

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  9. Love them all! Keep up the good work!

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  10. My life if being absorbed right now waiting for a decision from my husband's company on whether they will do this project here in Ireland, or whether we will go home. This decision is WAY overdue and was supposed to - at the latest - be given to us last week, but of course we did not get it last week. So with that in mind, here's my entry:

    TOP TEN THINGS THAT WILL HAPPEN BEFORE OUR COMPANY GIVES US THEIR DECISION ON IF WE WILL STAY IN IRELAND OR GO HOME:

    #10 - Jim Bob Dugger will get a vasectomy.
    #9 - Simon Cowell will wear a something besides a t-shirt
    #8 - Michelle Obama will start sewing her own clothes.
    #7 - Sarah Palin will get out of politics to be a stay-at-home-mom.
    #6 - The Detroit Lions will play in the Super Bowl...and win.
    #5 - Pres. Obama will finally "find" his birth certificate.
    #3 - Brett Farve will retire.
    #4 - Bill and Hillary Clinton will renew their wedding vows.
    #2 - Pamela Anderson's lips will explode.
    #1 - And yes,Hell will freeze over.

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  11. A woman noticed her blonde neighbor out in the yard on her hands and knees looking in the grass. Unable to resist her curiosity, she went over and said, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but why are you looking in the grass?" The blonde said, "I'm looking for my birthday card." Puzzled, the neighbor said, "Did you drop it outside?" The blonde said, "No, my friend told me she would send it to me by snail mail."

    "groan"

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  12. Our oldest son hasn't always gotten the BEST grades, but early on in school he at least tried harder. And all that effort paid off! We were driving across Utah, on a trip to visit family, and the idea came to me to quiz my kids to see what they were learning. It was a simple question: "Do you know what they capital of Utah is?"
    My son said, "I know that one! It's 'U'!"

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  13. I just have to tell you this one my Mom told me. My Aunt had heart surgery. They used black thread to sew her up, but as time went on, the thread broke and the ends of the thread poked out through her chest. When she went to the doctor she said, "Doctor, did you by any chance use a pig's valve in my heart?" He said, "Yes we did." She said, "Do you think this could be pig hair growing through my chest?" She was joking, but he took it seriously and said, "I don't think so." My Aunt politely kept her laughter to herself. :D

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  14. What is black, fuzzy, and when you poke it says stuff like, "Leave me alone," "Stop it," and "My life sucks!"?
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    A) The new "Tickle me EMO" doll!

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  15. That last was more than an original joke--it's actually one of my newest $1,000,000 ideas!

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  16. How can you tell a NINJA has been in your fridge?
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    You can't--they're NINJAS!

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  17. Ok, so I have an awesome Knock-Knock joke...but you have to start it.

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  18. Ok Fromagette -

    Knock, Knock...

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  19. Oh wait, don't you start it and then I say "Who's there?"

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  20. He he he. Yes, that is the joke. Unfortunately, it works much better in person and usually only works once (except that one time I got my cousin twice with it. Ah what a laugh).

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  21. Ok, yes, Fromagette got me. Duh... Well, with that I get to tell another joke:

    My husband and I were watching the movie, "Zulu" tonight. When it was over he said, "Isn't it amazing that the British won that war, being so outnumbered?" I said, "Well, sometimes you win, sometimes
    Zu-lus!"

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  22. Q: Why doesn't Paris Hilton eat M & M's?
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    A: They're too hard to SPELL!

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  23. Q: Why won't Paris Hilton ever buy 2 of anything?
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    A; She can't count that high!

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  24. This one isn't original, I stole it off facebook. But at least I'm honest about it. lol

    Two cannibals were eating a clown. The one said to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

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  25. This one is original...

    A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like.
    He says, "Give me a dribble glass full of Kool-Aid."
    The bartender says, "You really don't want that."
    The man asks why not.
    The bartender says, "Because after a few minutes, it'll just lose its Punch!"
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    Forgive me--it's late!

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  26. He walks into a bar and orders Kool-Aid?

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  27. Oh wait, maybe I figured out what kind of bar it was. :0D

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  28. Well, you see...nobody in jokes EVER does anything normal. I mean, come on, who (in their right mind) would EVER be in a boat in the middle of a lake with Bill Graham? Or how would one politician, let alone THREE, ever get to the Pearly Gates. See? Wierd. But by nature of being a joke, you're just supposed to overlook everything else. Kind of like commercials. Or elections.

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  29. Why don't the Olympic skiiers yell and holler when they ski downhill? Because they're supposed to "schuss"! :0D

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  30. Old University presidents never die, they just lose their faculties.... (I stole this one. lol)

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  31. Q) What is an actor's favorite note in music?
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    A) B - Natural

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  32. Q) What is an eye doctor's favorite musical note?
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    A) C-Sharp

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  33. Q) What is a race car driver's LEAST favorite note?
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    A) A - Flat

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  34. Though I wouldn't want to end on a sour note. (ahem)
    What say we end this in a day or so? Ya'll are great! I've gotten some good chuckles. I'm sure, however that many would hope for an end soon. So get your last punch (line) in and I'll begin to tally up the scores...

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  35. Well this is a close one. Mr Giggles and his strange meds came up with what I think, were probably the most number of original jokes. Delirious and Inklings and their real world antidotes actually made my wife ask, "What's so funny?"
    Fromagette got extra points for getting someone with her "knock knock joke which inadvertently made the winner Nene, who made me laugh the loudest and longest with, among other things, her innocent and hilarious response to the Knock knock joke. Well done to one and all and congrats Nene.

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  36. I know this game is over, but I have one last joke that I heard at church today. :D

    A man was 50 pounds over weight, and it was starting to affect his marriage. So he went to the Bishop for advice. The Bishop said, "I would like for you to run 10 miles every day for 30 days, then report back to me." The man agreed. He stuck to his committment and ran 30 miles every day. At the end of the month, he called the Bishop and reported back. The Bishop said, "Well, how does your wife feel now?" The man said, "How should I know, I'm 300 miles from home!" :D

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  37. My Grandmother started running a mile a day when she turned 60. She's 90 now, and we have no idea WHERE THE HECK SHE IS!

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  38. Okay, one more from my Indian friend Ramana

    Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk..

    The older of the two pulls a bag out of her purse and start’s flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

    This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.’

    Yes, I remember him as a baby’ says the other mother cheerfully.

    He’s a martyr now though‹ the mother confides Oh, so sad dear’ says the
    other.

    And this is my second son, Khalid.He would have been 21.’

    Oh, I remember him,’ says the other happily, he had such curly hair when he
    was born.’

    He’s a martyr too’ says the mother quietly.

    ‘Oh, gracious me . . . ‘ says the other.

    ‘And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed.

    He would have been 18′, she whispers.

    Yes’ says the friend enthusiastically, ‘I remember
    when he first started school’

    He’s a martyr also,’ says the mother, with tears in her eyes.

    After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother
    looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says

    They blow up so fast, don’t they!!!

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  39. Not sure I'd call this a glorified win, since it was my stupidity that caused it. Later I thought, "Why didn't I just go back and delete my dumb answers?" :0P But thanks Eutychus - glad I could give you a chuckle.

    Great. Now I have to come up with a game - the downfall of winning...

    And Delirious, that last joke.......yikes.

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