I've just finished reading the first book of the second Heroes of Olympus series, by Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson was the first series). While reading them, I've realized that however fascinating or not their stories are, they have WAY too many monsters, and even more ridiculous names and attributes for them. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to make up a new monster: including name and attributes. Points for ridiculousness, relation to modern life, plays on words, or (pardon my bias here) coolness. Also, as always, extra points for making me laugh. Happy Jousting!
Hyperbolopatomus: The mix between a hyperbole (monster of English devices)and a hippopotamus (the monsters of animals...or something).
ReplyDeleteEverything about it is exaggerated: its movement, sound, and most importantly, its size. It's a fatty for sure. They mistook it for a dinosaur, and then for a whale on steroids, when first discovered. Jerry Wade discovered this sucker, and he did not do it by catching a salmon or pike first.
It's most recent disaster: Cause of earthquakes/tsunamis in Japan.
... Too soon?
Snorta-snorea-sleeplessmus: This exhausted monster looks as bad as his name sounds. He never sleeps much because of sleep apnia, which results in snoring. The species is characterized by the dark circles under the eyes, along with intermittent yawning. There is some discussion among scientists as to whether there is cross-species mutation, because others in the same location, regardless of species, also experience sleeplessness. Scientists are currently exploring the possibility that this sleeplessness could also possibly be caused by the noises made by Snorta-snorea-sleeplessmus during the night. Some research suggests that this cross species mutation might have even crossed over to humans, as evidenced by all night shows on cable, 24 hour grocery stores, and an increased usage of "World of Warcraft" after 1:00 a.m.
ReplyDeleteSpasmodocus: Female monster commonly known as Nervous Nellie. Often mistaken for a chicken with it's head cut off, when running around. Nellie tries to do everything in sight, without really knowing how to do it, resulting in making colossal messes everywhere she goes. Very nervous (of course), edgy, agitated, and stressed-out. When annoyed, she lashes out, freaking-out everyone within her range. Can go for long periods of time before she keels over. In Ireland, she's known as:
ReplyDeleteKnackered Nellie.
Gibbselslappus: an aqua marine-colored monster with scaly skin and a long tail. It has flashing eyes that vary from amber to orange to red, depending on the monster's mood. On the end of the tail is a hand-like aperture that the monster uses to slap its victims on the back of the head. The Gibbselslappus attacks people only, when they are:
ReplyDeleteN nasty
C cruel
I idiotic
S stupid
This monster spontaneously combusted into existence when Nene kept wishing that the world had a slapper. Now it does.
Oh, if only it were true, Inklings! :0D
ReplyDeleteBeware the Beagle! (And it's not what you think it is)
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time during the beginning of the Age of Dragons, a wild creature a large hairy body (much like a bear) and a large beak and wings (much like an eagle) roamed the earth in small groups. These carnivorous animals were tamed and domesticated by the dragons and used as companions and protection. You might even say that these animals were dragon's best friend.
The first sighting of these unusual creatures was, according to legend, in 385 BC. How any one knows the legend is questionable, as all involved parties were carried off and devoured by the creature, but I digress. Legend has it that two men of germanic origins were out hunting when they caught sight of a wild creature a large hairy body (much like a bear) and a large beak and wings (much like an eagle). As the creature was bearing down on them and eventually carried them off, the two hunters argued about what this animal was. One insisted that the animal was a bear with wings. The other was sure that it was an eagle with an unusually large and hairy body. Since everyone involved must have spoken English, right before they were messily devoured they decided to compromise and call it a "beagle". Or so says legend.
Beware the Beagle, continued...
ReplyDeleteBeagles are not friendly creatures. As the pet of dragons, they are used to protecting large hoards of treasure, hunting with their masters, and playing fetch with large tree trunks. While rarely seen separated from their masters (their masters being another great danger), they can be found alone from time to time. Attempts have been made by humans to tame beagles, but have mostly failed.
In modern times, many disregard their existence or attribute them to radioactive mutations from failed nuclear facilities in Russia. Sightings have decreased in the past few years and many fantasy enthusiasts are petitioning to have them added to the endangered species list. Unfortunately, most scientists deny its existence. Of course, that may because they don't want to try and find them and then get messily devoured.
Alright guys any more takers? I'll end the game and Judge tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteSomnivorous Rex: This hideous monster, with sunken eyes (with dark circles), and a blank expression, lurks behind computer monitors, TV screens, dirty dishes, and anything else that can grab your attention at bedtime.
ReplyDeleteUsing his siren call, he beckons you to stay up "just a little bit longer" to finish some meaningless task or stumble through whatever game, program, or odd job awaits. The Somnivorous Rex, you see, feeds on the unused dreams you are missing, and on the wasted energy you use as you avoid going to bed.
Last seen in a little town in the Mid-Western United States, the monster heard was chuckling as it left the home of a certain Mr. Giggles. The beast had kept the poor man awake so far past his bedtime for so many nights, that the unsuspecting victim seemed half the man he used to be--a mere shadow of his former self.
The most insidious effect of the monster-in-question is that its prey become tools used for trapping others. Spouses, offspring, and even friends or neighbors find themselves quickly falling under this sinister spell. Soon, if not stopped, the whole world will belong to the Somnivorous Rex, making sleeping and dreaming nothing more than a forgotten memory.
In fact, I believe he is right behind you as you read this post. But don't leave. Don't go to bed. You might miss something good!
I have to admit this is a hard choice. I loved Inklings's Gibbs slap monster, and points to Mr. Giggles's, Nene, and Delirious for relativity to the different... conditions of an Allred. Points to Samm for a play on words (though it's Jeremy Wade rather than Jerry). However, the winner is Fromagette's Beagle. It may not have been on purpose, but the picture was painted of a mix between a bear, eagle, and an actual beagle. Congratulations!!
ReplyDeleteAwesome! I must give credit for some of the idea of the Beagle to my husband, but I did all the work. :)
ReplyDeleteLet me get through this weekend and then hopefully I'll be ready to post a new game.