Sunday, January 2, 2011
2011 RESOLUTIONS
It's a new year, and time for new resolutions..no, no, not yours. These are for other people. Since it is now 2011, make a list of 11 resolutions you'd like other people to carry out in the coming year. One rule: no personal names, although celebrities and politicians are fair game.
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ReplyDeleteNormally, I would write something funny here, but here are a couple:
ReplyDeletePut a radiation unit in a rural area!
Make smoking in parking lots illegal!
If I get feeling sarcastic again, I'll post some funny ones.
Nancy Pelosi: Avoid using the Air force jets for personal trips.
ReplyDeleteKate Goslin: Find a reality show that doesn't involve dancing.
Dr. Laura: Come back out of retirement because the guy who replaced you is weird.
The State of California: Spend less, and stop outlawing everything. (Now it's the lightbulb!)
Hmm....I'll write more later if I think of some
I was going to write some new years resolutions for my coworkers, but that wouldn't have been funny at all, only mean and maybe a little demeaning (although 100% warranted). I'll post once my funny bone kicks back in. (ah ha. ah ha.... yeah, it's definitely checked out).
ReplyDeleteSome New Year's resolutions for myself;
ReplyDelete1. Try to tone down your humor so that others won't be breathless from laughing.
2. Wear one ugly thing each day so that others aren't overcome by your stunning beauty.
3. Compliment others when they understand the depth of your intellectual conversation.
I'll write more when I think of some, but for now I need to go back to admiring myself in the mirror.
;)
General New Year Resolutions the typical American would set.
ReplyDelete1. Go on a Die It. If it won't make me Die, I can eat It.
2. Exercise daily, starting with shrinking my drinking cup size so that it takes me more trips to the kitchen to drink my soda. Maybe move my bed further from the bedroom door.
3. Be more kind. Any mean thing I have to say, I can say behind their back.
4.Spend more time with family. Eventually, they will get annoyed with me and kick me out. Life will be back to normal, but at least it'll be on them this time.
5.I'll quit smoking. I'll just go inhale second-hand smoke. But once again, on them, not me.
6. I'll quit drinking. If I stop drinking water, I can intake more alcohol.
7.I'll get out of debt. Out of debt and in to bankruptcy.
8. I'll teach something to someone everyday. Starting with my coworkers. First lesson, teach them how to be competent.
9. Learn something everyday. I'll learn how to teach my coworkers how to be competent.
10. I'll get organized. I'll make an "Organized" pile and a "Mess/Junk" pile. I'll take the next step in 2012.
And finally 11. My new years resolution is to keep my new years resolutions until February.
Oh dang, I just realized that one of my submissions didn't fit the rules. I wrote some for myself. Bah...I'll have to think again. :)
ReplyDeleteNew Year Resolutions for adult children with aging parents. These resolutions start out like normal ones we all usually make, but are adapted for children of aging parents. :)
ReplyDelete--Lose weight: Do not eat any leftovers from your parent's fridge.
--Be Happy: Try not to lose your mind when your parents do dangerous things that you have warned them not to do.
--Empower yourself: Remember that even though they may want you to do things their way, you are also an adult and can think for yourself! :)
--Give to others: Find gifts for them this year that they don't already own. (this may be a tough goal to achieve.)
--Get in shape: Go to their house and do some of the chores that they can't do for themselves.
--Read more: Read their personal histories
--Floss daily: Remember the false teeth in the cup on their nightstand.
We're coming up on a week now. Any more takers?
ReplyDeleteI am brain dead. :0+
ReplyDeleteIt's been a week, and I liked all of the resolutions, but Samm's were really the only ones who fit the rules. I am declaring her the winner of this round, even though she just did it last time. I will admit I laughed at almost all of these, which was my goal.
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah, and I wanted someone to write: Dear Gangstas, Resolve to pull up your pants. I am tired of looking at your underwear, but if anyone accuses you of not changing your underwear every day, send them to me. I can vouch for you that you did. :0) (And yes, I did say this to an inmate at the jail when I worked there. Luckily he laughed.)